Facebook asks me, "What's on your mind?"
Well, right now, it's Santa Claus.
Yes, even though we are a few months away (seriously, people, we are only 4 months away from Christmas!) I had a friend who asked how to handle the "Mom, is Santa real?" question, and I thought I would share my response with everyone, just since it is an ongoing conversation.
I understand why people say 'believe to receive.' I do. So please don't take this as anti- that. It's just what we have done because we believe it is best for our family...
First off, we ask them, 'What do You think?' And then we proceed with the convo based on what they say. We don't necessarily come right out and tell our kids Santa isn't real... But then again we never tell them he is real in the first place.
When they start asking questions and they say they don't think or aren't sure that he is real, we talk about the real Saint Nicholas and how he loved Jesus and how he served those around him. And then we talk about Christmas traditions and how the idea of Santa Claus came to be.
The bottom line for us is that we (all of us) spend so much time teaching our kids not to lie, but then we are expected to spend some of what can be considered the funnest moments of their young lives lying to them. That is a double-standard, whether we are willing to admit it or not. So, we decided to not lie.
One thing we battle are the comments that it takes the "magic" out of Christmas when our kids don't believe in Santa. My response to that is
#1 For us, Christmas is not about Santa. It's about Jesus. So that is a non-issue.
#2 None of our kids believe in Santa, and it truly does not change the excitement of going to bed on Christmas Eve and getting up Christmas morning. In fact, I think knowing that Santa is pretend and the freedom in which we can get up on Christmas morning and celebrate Jesus and Family far outweighs anything we thought we had with Santa growing up; as well as any sugar-coated gumdrop dreams we may have walked into Parenthood with.
The other thing we might possibly meet up with is "What if your kid tells another kid that Santa isn't real?" On the one hand, I would want to say, "you're the one lying to your kid, so how can you be mad at me for telling my kid the truth?" I know that sounds harsh, I know, but it is just that - truth. We (corporately) don't tell our children that Cinderella is real. Or that Ninja Turtles are really real. We joyfully tell the make-believe stores and when applicable, the morals of them. So why do we feel so protective of telling our children that Santa is real?
On the other hand, I do understand why it feels "threatening." People want to hold on to the magic and mystery of it all.
So, yes, there is a real chance my kid could tell your kid there is no Santa. Now, whether or not that causes your child to question the validly of the Man in the Red Suit is not set in stone. But it is possible. And quite honestly, while I would feel a little bit sorry because none of us would intend for that to happen, (I do have a tender heart, people!) we will not be sorry that our kids know the truth. They asked, we talked, they know. That's just where we stand on it.
Even though we DO tell our kids they aren't supposed to say Santa is not real one because some kids do believe he is, (which, Sidenote: leads to the question, "Why do their parents tell them he is real?" How do you explain why a parent lies to their child? Can you see what a spot that puts us in? It makes us the "bad guys who don't tell their kids about Santa." But I really don't mind, because like I said, we are doing what we think is best for our family, and so my goal is to always be extremely gracious in my responses.)
But one time Zack (who was 4 at the time) did say (in the car, with carpool kids in tow) "Santa's not really real." And one of the girls argued with him. I stopped the conversation and she said, "Mrs. Jamie, why is Zack saying Santa is not real?" I told her, "Well, Zack is four, and he says a LOT of things." And that was the end of it. I didn't spoil it for her. But I didn't invalidate my kid's right to his own voice, either. And to us, that is the right thing to do.
Also, while I'm thinking about it, this might serve as a helpful reminder that when you see our children around Christmastime, it might be simpler if you ask, "What did you get for Christmas?" instead of "What did Santa bring you?" Especially if there are other children within earshot. Because, while we do tell our kids to be gracious when people ask them this, and just answer the question, you know as well as I do that you can't exactly control the things that comes out of a kid's mouth. And if they happen to say they got Nothing from Santa, it might raise questions from small-ish bystanders. Forewarned is Forearmed, you know. ;)
Well, right now, it's Santa Claus.
I understand why people say 'believe to receive.' I do. So please don't take this as anti- that. It's just what we have done because we believe it is best for our family...
First off, we ask them, 'What do You think?' And then we proceed with the convo based on what they say. We don't necessarily come right out and tell our kids Santa isn't real... But then again we never tell them he is real in the first place.
When they start asking questions and they say they don't think or aren't sure that he is real, we talk about the real Saint Nicholas and how he loved Jesus and how he served those around him. And then we talk about Christmas traditions and how the idea of Santa Claus came to be.
The bottom line for us is that we (all of us) spend so much time teaching our kids not to lie, but then we are expected to spend some of what can be considered the funnest moments of their young lives lying to them. That is a double-standard, whether we are willing to admit it or not. So, we decided to not lie.
One thing we battle are the comments that it takes the "magic" out of Christmas when our kids don't believe in Santa. My response to that is
#1 For us, Christmas is not about Santa. It's about Jesus. So that is a non-issue.
#2 None of our kids believe in Santa, and it truly does not change the excitement of going to bed on Christmas Eve and getting up Christmas morning. In fact, I think knowing that Santa is pretend and the freedom in which we can get up on Christmas morning and celebrate Jesus and Family far outweighs anything we thought we had with Santa growing up; as well as any sugar-coated gumdrop dreams we may have walked into Parenthood with.
The other thing we might possibly meet up with is "What if your kid tells another kid that Santa isn't real?" On the one hand, I would want to say, "you're the one lying to your kid, so how can you be mad at me for telling my kid the truth?" I know that sounds harsh, I know, but it is just that - truth. We (corporately) don't tell our children that Cinderella is real. Or that Ninja Turtles are really real. We joyfully tell the make-believe stores and when applicable, the morals of them. So why do we feel so protective of telling our children that Santa is real?
On the other hand, I do understand why it feels "threatening." People want to hold on to the magic and mystery of it all.
So, yes, there is a real chance my kid could tell your kid there is no Santa. Now, whether or not that causes your child to question the validly of the Man in the Red Suit is not set in stone. But it is possible. And quite honestly, while I would feel a little bit sorry because none of us would intend for that to happen, (I do have a tender heart, people!) we will not be sorry that our kids know the truth. They asked, we talked, they know. That's just where we stand on it.
Even though we DO tell our kids they aren't supposed to say Santa is not real one because some kids do believe he is, (which, Sidenote: leads to the question, "Why do their parents tell them he is real?" How do you explain why a parent lies to their child? Can you see what a spot that puts us in? It makes us the "bad guys who don't tell their kids about Santa." But I really don't mind, because like I said, we are doing what we think is best for our family, and so my goal is to always be extremely gracious in my responses.)
But one time Zack (who was 4 at the time) did say (in the car, with carpool kids in tow) "Santa's not really real." And one of the girls argued with him. I stopped the conversation and she said, "Mrs. Jamie, why is Zack saying Santa is not real?" I told her, "Well, Zack is four, and he says a LOT of things." And that was the end of it. I didn't spoil it for her. But I didn't invalidate my kid's right to his own voice, either. And to us, that is the right thing to do.
Also, while I'm thinking about it, this might serve as a helpful reminder that when you see our children around Christmastime, it might be simpler if you ask, "What did you get for Christmas?" instead of "What did Santa bring you?" Especially if there are other children within earshot. Because, while we do tell our kids to be gracious when people ask them this, and just answer the question, you know as well as I do that you can't exactly control the things that comes out of a kid's mouth. And if they happen to say they got Nothing from Santa, it might raise questions from small-ish bystanders. Forewarned is Forearmed, you know. ;)
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